so yea, apparently there really is a VoLTE whitelist on AT&T that forcibly stops VoLTE from working on non-branded phones, including on carrier-unlocked devices that they DO support. folks have had success by contacting an agent with a specific request to enable VoLTE, and asking them to manually register their IMEI.
i can confirm that this is not the case for tmobile, or at least that the xperia x, xa2, and x compact all work on VoLTE on sony android and on lineageos.